FEB. 02, 2020: Unwinding The Ego

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Unwinding The Ego
Thriving at Coffee Bean. 02/02/2020

Love yourself and unwind the pride.




By yours truly, Karla.











Honestly, my head can be way up my own business most of the time. Any outside factors obliterated in my thought process, and the world becomes easily surrounded by just me, myself, and I. 

It's hard to admit I can be self-centered, yes. 

But, I blame being consumed by the thought process faster than a jackrabbit.

Anything involving a thing, place, or person (which amounts to almost everything) can have my thoughts running for hours. 

Sometimes I feel like I go mad. Just overthinking everything and overanalyzing all that seems to be easy for everyone else. 

Everything becomes significant and I become small.

Just recently, my mother had to be overlooked over at the utmost religious hospital in Orange County. It was a painful week and a week I thought madness had become a defining factor. 

Madness: 1 

Karla: 0 

Waking up every day from Sunday to the following Saturday felt heavy. My gloomy mind, over-exhausted body, and non-existent energy believed the week filled with sorrows, arguments, and undiscussed familial issues were the permanent turning point. 

As I laid exhausted on the stiff guest hospital room sofa, I wrote all that I felt at the moment of exhaustion. 




New roommate Aslan meeting Dwayne. 02/01/2020



To suffer is to feel and see the world on a smaller scale. 

The walls close in and every space seems tighter than the day before. 
The tightness of breath follows after evert positive or negative thought.

Making all the thoughts the mandatory daily consumption rather than food.

Every mirror seems to hurt at a glance because of the presence of your being isn't there. 

A yearning to heal pops in your head at least once a day but the timing of everything seems to clog this idea. 

People leave at the breaking of your existence, and you ask the reasoning behind it all but you believe the question should remain unanswered.

It's better for the question to be unresolved then to invest the time into figuring out the value of love people have for you. 

If it is even existent or not, it's their choice and not yours. 

"It's okay", you tell yourself. Because life has its tragedies that will soon become an experience to praise as a comedy. 

A comedy to reminisce and learn from so the love and acceptance for yourself become potent. 



---

After reading this journal entry over and over again, I remembered the relief I feel after I share my emotions/thoughts to myself out loud. 

It feels great.

So, I hope to continue to unwind the ego by sharing my sentiments, even if it is on paper. 






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