MARCH 13, 2019: Up-Close & Not So Personal
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Up-Close & Not So Personal
The act of being up close & personal with a person is usually a positive intimate moment, when it's someone you are "googly eyes" over for in that moment - to be exact.
It wasn't the case for me on a Saturday night as a server.
An entitled regular, a mother, pulled me up close to her face as I set the hot sake with two ceramic miniature cups at their table.
In the moment, as she exhaled on my face. Her voice reeked of sweetness, despite the bitter & insulting words.
I looked at the vast, & open window of the Japanese grill restaurant. The interaction felt dehumanizing and her tone energized her soul and drained mine.
My eyes traced to the guest's family and the wide-eyed daughter whom the bitter mom defended with the sharp vocalized words caught my eye. I looked over to the other family members and saw looks of embarrassment.
To reassure them of the quality experience, I offered the most popular alcohol "Sour Whiskeys". All for the 21-year-old guest or the "birthday gal". They seem to lighten their expression, to which I followed-up with another reassurance of quality.
The total of six guests smiled as I walked away from the table with a pain in my chest and the sweat in my eyes.
As the time passed quickly after the customer service incident, I soon began to reflect on the idea of intimacy.
How can intimacy be so uncomfortable and unwanted ?
Usually, intimacy with the person you like is great and goal-oriented at times (with consent of course).
The unhappy mother at the joy filled table seem to put a bad taste in my mouth when it came to intimacy. She had clearly pulled me closer to her without my consent. I was positioned to be close to a person that obviously wanted to intimidate and persuade.
Just to relate this to a bigger picture than a dining setting, consent is important in an intimate setting. Period.
Not only vocalizing consent is important but every step in the way of giving consent is and everyone should note this difference.
With sexual harassment incidents and the conversation firing up different social media platforms, consent is often misconstrued in these dialogues.
Consent is vocalizing the "yes" throughout the interaction of two, three, four, or even five people. The important factor in all of this is the people giving consent need to be in sober state and in the right mind.
I can not recall how many times I've seen people discuss themselves as being in an emotional state to the point they are prone to spontaneity. In this state, the spontaneity is usually going to lead to actions the individual will regret.
Therefore, having an intimate moment with someone in this emotional state can lead to a lingering long-term psychological hurt for the person.
In all honesty, it hurts hearing individuals go through the healing process of psychological hurt.
But I also believe humans learn and grow from their toxic traits (sometimes) and they don't notice their toxicity until someone hurts.
I'll stop myself here because i'll go on a four to five page rant about human nature. Therefore, I rather disburse this rant into segments onto to this blog.
 |
| The end result of Lift coffee's "cafe latte". |
How can intimacy be so uncomfortable and
unwanted?
unwanted?
By yours truly, Karla.
The act of being up close & personal with a person is usually a positive intimate moment, when it's someone you are "googly eyes" over for in that moment - to be exact.
It wasn't the case for me on a Saturday night as a server.
An entitled regular, a mother, pulled me up close to her face as I set the hot sake with two ceramic miniature cups at their table.
In the moment, as she exhaled on my face. Her voice reeked of sweetness, despite the bitter & insulting words.
I looked at the vast, & open window of the Japanese grill restaurant. The interaction felt dehumanizing and her tone energized her soul and drained mine.
My eyes traced to the guest's family and the wide-eyed daughter whom the bitter mom defended with the sharp vocalized words caught my eye. I looked over to the other family members and saw looks of embarrassment.
To reassure them of the quality experience, I offered the most popular alcohol "Sour Whiskeys". All for the 21-year-old guest or the "birthday gal". They seem to lighten their expression, to which I followed-up with another reassurance of quality.
The total of six guests smiled as I walked away from the table with a pain in my chest and the sweat in my eyes.
As the time passed quickly after the customer service incident, I soon began to reflect on the idea of intimacy.
How can intimacy be so uncomfortable and unwanted ?
Usually, intimacy with the person you like is great and goal-oriented at times (with consent of course).
The unhappy mother at the joy filled table seem to put a bad taste in my mouth when it came to intimacy. She had clearly pulled me closer to her without my consent. I was positioned to be close to a person that obviously wanted to intimidate and persuade.
Just to relate this to a bigger picture than a dining setting, consent is important in an intimate setting. Period.
Not only vocalizing consent is important but every step in the way of giving consent is and everyone should note this difference.
With sexual harassment incidents and the conversation firing up different social media platforms, consent is often misconstrued in these dialogues.
Consent is vocalizing the "yes" throughout the interaction of two, three, four, or even five people. The important factor in all of this is the people giving consent need to be in sober state and in the right mind.
I can not recall how many times I've seen people discuss themselves as being in an emotional state to the point they are prone to spontaneity. In this state, the spontaneity is usually going to lead to actions the individual will regret.
Therefore, having an intimate moment with someone in this emotional state can lead to a lingering long-term psychological hurt for the person.
In all honesty, it hurts hearing individuals go through the healing process of psychological hurt.
But I also believe humans learn and grow from their toxic traits (sometimes) and they don't notice their toxicity until someone hurts.
I'll stop myself here because i'll go on a four to five page rant about human nature. Therefore, I rather disburse this rant into segments onto to this blog.
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